


feelings are hard to grasp

by iroa



Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Exams, Fluff, M/M, Maknae line, Pressure, Slow Burn, a very frustrated dongpyo, be warned, self indulgent, solely 02 line
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-12 17:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21480217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iroa/pseuds/iroa
Summary: School was just stressful. It was pressuring. How did other people bear with all the tension?Even with Dongpyo's hard work, he couldn't achieve the score he wanted to. And it was just the mock exams.What he hated the most was to hear about the perfect student that got a perfect score on his perfect exams and... He just hated Hyeongjun.What he didn't know was that they would become friends and maybe even more.
Relationships: Son Dongpyo & Song Hyeongjun, Son Dongpyo/Song Hyeongjun
Comments: 13
Kudos: 58





	1. why can't i do better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me, I'm so bad at story telling.  
I hope you'll enjoy this!!
> 
> big thanks to HChnD and mokomokos for beta-reading!!

The exam papers were smacked on Dongpyo’s table. 9. Just a 9 again. 91, 95, 93, 99, it didn’t matter. Why couldn’t it be a 1 with two 0’s. He groaned at the sight of his scores and slammed his head on the desk. Why couldn’t he get a 100 again, just like back in the days? Mumbles filled the classroom after everyone received theirs. 

“Woah, Hyeongjun got full score again!”

“100?? Awesome!”

“Hyeongjun is a genius!!”

Shut up. He covered his ears with his hands, not wanting to hear about the great amazing student who got 100 marks. Dongpyo shut his eyes until someone tapped his shoulders lightly.  
“Hey, are you okay?” Eunsang asked.  
“Yeah, well, not really, but yeah,” Dongpyo mumbled while sitting up again but the other responded  
“Doesn’t sound good to me though, you’re not making any sense right now.”

“Don’t worry,” he insisted. After hearing that, his friend went back to his seat.  
Dongpyo was glad Eunsang knew him well enough to leave him alone in times like these.  
Because frustration makes people snap. And he was really prone to that. But he didn’t want to snap at his good-hearted friend for worrying. All he needed was a bit of time to calm down and time for himself. It would settle down somehow. But Dongpyo’s eyes wandered to the seat of Hyeongjun who was surrounded by his friends. Minhee and Junho? He wasn’t really sure, he didn’t pay much attention to others in the class. But damn it. They looked so happy. That lucky boy was grinning from ear to ear, receiving back pats for doing well. Damn it. Damn it. That sight annoyed him to death. How much he wished he could laugh like that right now.  
Dongpyo buried his head into his arms on the desk. How much he wished all of this could be over in an instant.

As if his wish was heard, the day just passed by in an eye blink. Sadly, it’s just the day which passed by and not the whole exams period. The school bell rang before he noticed it and he started to pack his stuff. Eunsang came over to his seat.

“Wanna head home together?”

“Sure,” Dongpyo smiled. He shouldn’t sulk anymore than this, he felt bad for Eunsang.On the way home, he took a deep breath. Fresh air definitely helped to feel better.

“How were the exams on your side, Eunsang?”

“Hm? Mine? They were fine. Not quite happy about them but they weren’t bad either.”

“Oh, is that so,” Dongpyo mumbled. He didn’t quite know what to say but he was glad Eunsang did fine.

“What about you? Why were you so upset earlier?” Eunsang asked concerned.

Dongpyo laughed it off, “I was just a bit frustrated, that's it.”

“Hey, you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it too much. You got more than 90 points on all your exams and it was just the first term. You can still improve and get used to the algorithm again,” Eunsang pointed out as if he could read Dongpyo’s mind. Wait.

“How do you know I got more than- You peaked, didn’t you!!” Dongpyo pointed at Eunsang, realizing in shock.

The other boy averted his eyes while chuckling.“Me? Peaking? No way~ Just sensed it, you know. Because I know you’re amazing.”

Woah, that was smooth. How could Eunsang say that without cringing. Instead, Dongpyo was the one cringing.

“You’re being gross, stop it,” he laughed and fake-shuddered while rubbing his arms.  
“I’m saying the truth though~,” Eunsang hummed. He was really the most genuine person Dongpyo has ever met. While Dongpyo would never say it out loud, he really appreciated Eunsang being there for him and was glad he called out Eunsang on that day. He smiled to himself remembering it.

The both of them first met on the first school day of 1st year high school.  
While Dongpyo searched for his classroom, he noticed him because there was a tall figure standing in the middle of the hall. He was the only one standing still, everyone else just rushed past him, hurrying up to make it in time for class. Of course he would stick out. He was basically stuck to the ground, pale, looking around hastily with panic in his eyes. ‘Is he a first year too?’ Dongpyo thought. He decided to approach him and tapped on his shoulders. The taller guy flinched and turned his head to Dongpyo with big eyes. Woah. What a reaction.“Sorry, uh- Are you okay?” he asked carefully.  
“Oh— I’m fine,” the guy replied, still cautious. Weird.  
“Ok then, I’m sorry. You just looked… a bit lost.”That guy’s eyes widened and he avoided Dongpyo’s look. He scratched the back of his head.  
“Are you sure you’re fine?” Dongpyo decided to ask again.  
“Actually… I-,“ he began, looking at the floor out of shame and then admitted, “I am lost. It’s my first school day and I don’t know where my classroom is. I have a horrible sense of direction.”  
“Can I see the document you’re holding? It shows your class and classroom there, right? I’m a first year too so I don’t know if I can help though.”

Seemingly surprised by the offer, Eunsang showed Dongpyo the paper sheet.

“Oh! We’re in the same class! Lee Eunsang? I’m Son Dongpyo, nice to meet you! Let’s go to our classroom together!”  
For the first time since Dongpyo approached Eunsang, the taller guy gave him a soft smile.

He was taken aback by Dongpyo’s energetic personality, still not quite used to it since they met just a few minutes ago, but they headed to their classroom together starting out as classmates.  
Their seats weren’t assigned next to each other though, so it would be natural for them to not get any closer than that. Dongpyo got along with people quite easily, getting friendly with his seat neighbours already after the first classes. However during break, he glanced at Eunsang’s seat, noticing that he would eat his lunch all alone, so he decided to approach him once again. He took the empty seat in front of Eunsang’s desk and faced him.  
“Hey, Eunsang! How was your school day so far?” Dongpyo asked Eunsang.  
The latter looked up from his notes, obviously startled to see the guy he met that morning talking to him again.

“Pretty normal”, he replied. Just as Dongpyo wanted to leave him because it seemed like he bothering him, Eunsang added, “what about yours?”

The short boy remained seated then and grinned, “Same here. Rather, isn’t that teacher pretty boring? I almost fell asleep.”  
The both of them chatted a bit more about their teachers on that day.  
Dongpyo was quite surprised when the shy guy, the guy who reacted pretty awkwardly every time someone started to talk to him, the guy who seemed to be wary of his surrounding, when that guy suddenly asked Dongpyo if they wanted to get lunch together, which was really touching. And that’s how their friendship just built up naturally over the year.

“Dongpyo?” Eunsang’s voice took him back to the present, “Are you even listening?”

“Oh, sorry. I was just remembering something from the past.”

“What was it? Was it more important than me??” Eunsang asked jokingly.  
“It was about you, idiot.”

“Aww that’s so cute, I knew you love me.”

“Whoa whoa, where is that confidence coming from,” Dongpyo rolled his eyes and laughed. Seriously, the Eunsang back then couldn’t be compared to the Eunsang now. He was like another person. To Dongpyo at least. However...

One week after: Dongpyo’s nightmare turned into reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eunsang is a good and soft friend hehe  
What do you think, what is Dongpyo's nightmare?
> 
> Let me know what you think about this story and chapter in the comments!!  
I'd be happy if you left a kudo as well!!  
I plan to update this fic every week so please wait for me~!!
> 
> Also follow me on Twitter and talk to me~!! @iroapyo


	2. closer and closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter!!  
Hyeongjun finally comes into spotlight!! haha  
big big thanks to HChnD and mokomokos for beta-reading this too~~!!

Partner projects for a research were announced. To encourage teamwork apparently.  
Dongpyo hated working with other people in school, you never know if they would actually do the work or just shove it onto you. But it was fine. He could work with Eunsang-  
  
“And finally, to boost the ability to work with other people, I shuffled the partners!” the teacher informed them excitedly.  
The teacher started to call up the names and partners.  
Great. Now he’d get assigned to some dumbass. Well, maybe he was lucky now and-  
  
“Hyeongjun and Dongpyo will work together!” the voice of his misfortune called.  
  
No luck for him. Definitely no luck.   
He held back that dangerous urge to groan and to roll his eyes at his destiny because surely, some people were looking at him. Following that thought, he glanced to Hyeongjun’s direction. There it was. Hyeongjun was looking right into Dongpyo’s eyes, smiled and gave a small wave after he noticed their eye contact. Dongpyo smiled back. Not really genuine but he was too lazy to go through conflicts. Suddenly, he sensed a piercing gaze from someone else. Minhee, Hyeongjun’s best friend. But when he checked, the blond boy turned around almost immediately. _What was his problem?_  
After class ended, Dongpyo headed to his project partner’s seat.  
  
“Hi! Nice to meet you, Hyeongjun!” Being extra cheerfully, extra nice, he hoped to maintain his image instead of letting it slip. Bad atmosphere during a project was too troublesome to deal with.  
“Hello, Dongpyo! Let’s achieve great results!” he grinned at the other boy, “Do you have time to meet up tomorrow after school?”  
“Let’s do that!”  
“Awesome! Wait for me after school ended.”  
“Got it!” Dongpyo waved at Hyeongjun and went to Eunsang who was already waiting for him.  
  
“Eunsaaaang,” he whined, his smiley face disappearing as soon as they got out of school, “I don’t wanna work with Hyeongjun…”  
“Come on, it’ll be fine. Why do you even dislike him that much?” Eunsang asked, wondering if anything had happened in the past.  
“I don’t knooow… Don’t ask me, I just don’t know.”  
“Can’t you use this chance to get to know him better then?”  
“Mmmh…” That was his only response. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to. But he knew Eunsang was right.  
  
The next day after school, Dongpyo waited for Hyeongjun just like he asked for. They decided to work on their project in the library, so they walked there together, took the books they needed for the research. Hyeongjun pulled him to an empty table and sat down, facing each other.  
“I brought snacks for us!” he told him while grabbing them from his bag and placing them on the middle of the table.  
“Oh, thank you…” Well, some snacks wouldn’t hurt. Hyeongjun was really considerate here.  
They worked on their research silently after setting the work share.

It slowly became evening and after about three hours of reading and writing, Dongpyo noticed eyes piercing him once again.  
“What’s wrong?” Dongpyo asked, looking up and tilting his head. Hyeongjun flinched slightly at the sound of the other’s voice.  
“Oh! Nothing… I spaced out for a bit, sorry,” he ruffled his hair and stared back at his notes.  
Hyeongjun was probably tired so Dongpyo started to stretch and suggested, “Aah, I’m exhausted. Wanna take a break?”  
“Sure!” Both of them put their pens away and grabbed the snacks they barely touched the whole time.  
“These are good. Where did you get them?” Dongpyo asked while munching.  
“I bought them at a convenience store nearby.”  
“Did you buy them just for today?”  
“Yeah, haha”, Hyeongjun laughed nervously.  
“Thank you! I should pay you back sometime,” Dongpyo responded, surprised that he went out of his way to get snacks for them.  
“No, it’s fine!!” he frantically waved his hands.  
Dongpyo had to admit, Hyeongjun was quite considerate.  
“To be honest, I’ve always wanted to work with you.”  
“Really? Why?” he raised his eyebrow, being surprised again. Why would he want to…  
“Yeah! Umm… You looked like a good partner to work with. I know you do it very diligently… And there has never been a person who could focus on doing a research for three hours straight like you.  
We’re almost done, aren’t we?” Hyeongjun grinned happily.  
  
Woah, the other boy felt really flattered. There was actually a person who saw him and his hard work, he thought. Okay, maybe Hyeongjun wasn’t too bad. But at the same time he wanted to slap himself for changing his opinion about him after just a thoughtless compliment.  
Moving back and forth on his chair, he mumbled shyly, “I was hoping we can become friends.”  
This totally caught Dongpyo off guard. He had no chance left now.  
“I would love to!” Dongpyo smiled and agreed without thinking. Damn. He would need to admit it and apologize to Eunsang for complaining later.  
They finished their research later that evening. It was due the week after but they were already done, so they could go home without any worries.  
  
  
That day lead to them becoming closer to each other.  
At first, Hyeongjun approached Dongpyo, asking if he wanted to eat lunch together with his group of friends, Minhee and Junho. Dongpyo proceeded to ask Eunsang to join them, so they started spending lunch time together. All of them got along well right from the start…  
  
Is what would had been the ideal outcome. But they were awkward.  
Minhee had been looking at Dongpyo weirdly. The shorter boy didn't know how to take those gazes, so he just ignored them while talking to Hyeongjun. Eunsang was pretty silent the whole time, same with Junho. They were so similar, laughing when everyone laughed, quietly eating when everyone ate. That was to be expected. It was their first time together after all.  
But week after week, they spent lunch together, gradually got used to each other and built up a new group of five people.  
And since they were in the same class, they had a lot of common things to talk about at least. The stupid teachers, who think that a teenager's life should only revolve around school, thus giving them loads of homework and projects. Their lazy work partners for the research who wouldn't do shit. Their boring, boring, boring classes. And their exams.  
  
Right, their upcoming mid-term exams.  
"Hey, what if we made a study session together sometime? You know, after school, preparing for our exams!" Hyeongjun suggested, clapping excitedly into his hands.  
Dongpyo didn't do too well with study groups actually. He was rather the type to study alone in his quiet and comfortable room. However, Eunsang probably wanted to join. And he would never join without Dongpyo. The red haired boy still hadn't opened up to the others yet, so he was pretty much sticking to Dongpyo, which he didn't mind of course. It had been like this since sophomore year and he treasured his best friend. All the more reason to join, he should help Eunsang to get out of his shell. And he could use this chance to get closer to the others too. While Dongpyo actually didn't want to admit it, there was another reason why he would want to join. A reason that can't be covered with excuses. Hyeongjun was a pretty fun guy to be around with. He was always positive and smiley, it kind of lightened up his day as well. Maybe it was a good change of pace to get along with Hyeongjun.

"Let's do it. We can help each other in our weak subjects," Dongpyo agreed, hi-touching Hyeongjun who already brightened up at the idea.  
"Count me in too," Minhee said, raising his hand. He let out a small sigh, probably not very happy.  
"What's wrong? You don't seem very energetic today," Dongpyo pointed out, curious as to why Minhee seemed so annoyed most of the time.  
The blond boy changed his expression into a smile.  
"Oh, I'm just tired, that's all. I'll gladly join the study sessions."  
Dongpyo just nodded and proceeded to look at Eunsang then, checking if he even wanted to join. That was when he finally spoke up too.  
"I think I can join too. It sounds fun to prepare for the exams together," Eunsang said, leaning a bit against Dongpyo's shoulder as if he was searching for a comfortable place. Man, Eunsang really needed to come out of his shell.  
"I will come too. I have a part-time job though, so I can't attend each time," Junho finally added to the round.  
"Great! Let's set this up then! How about we meet every Tuesday and Thursday after school? In the school library," Hyeongjun stood up from his chair, clearly looking forward to studying together. Adorable. How could someone look forward to studying with friends like this.  
Everyone agreed to Hyeongjun's suggestions. There was a month left until midterm exams starts. Which means eight study sessions together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually hate study groups/study sessions because I can't concentrate and people keep asking me for help (which is the purpose but then I can't really focus lmao)  
but let's see how it's gonna work out for them!!  
next update next week again <3
> 
> Let me know what you think about this story and chapter in the comments!!  
I'd be happy if you left a kudo as well~~!
> 
> Also follow me on Twitter and talk to me~!! @iroapyo


	3. it's a bit fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't read if questioning future triggers you ahahaah
> 
> Thank you to mokomokos for beta-reading the last few paragraphs sobs!!

So they did as they planned. The group waited for each other after classes ended and went to the library. After claiming the free table, they discussed how to organize their sessions. Revising old material, practising, memorizing, revising, memorizing, explaining… At first, they worked on their own things quietly. Until Dongpyo sighed. English. He was terrible at languages. No matter how long and how often he tried to memorize the vocabulary, the pronunciation, the grammar, it just didn’t work out. None of it would go into his head. He ruffled his hair, distressed.

“Are you alright?” Eunsang asked, sitting right next to him.

“English…” Dongpyo whined, “I can’t remember anything about it. I hate it.”  
“Oh, I can help you”, Hyeongjun offered which Dongpyo was really grateful for. He showed him methods to learn vocabularies efficiently, practised with him, explained to him what he didn’t understand before. It was a bit fun actually. Enjoyable.  
The next one to groan was Junho.

“Wow, I hate studying.”

“Who doesn’t,” Minhee remarked, snickering.

“We’re all stuDYING,” Dongpyo rolled his eyes, “Do you need any help, Junho?”

Following Dongpyo’s offer, Junho showed him his notes and got some material explained. Dongpyo was glad he was able to help too.

Later in the evening, at around 7 pm, a loud sound was made, causing the culprit to redden up. No, it was a loud growl.  
Hyeongjun rubbed his stomach and mumbled, “Sorry.”  
“Shall we stop for today?” Dongpyo chuckled and put his pen away.

“Yeah, I’m done too,” Minhee added, “Let’s grab some food on our way home.” He patted the shoulders of his hungry friend who was laughing now. They all bought something to eat at a convenience store after leaving the library. By now, they were pretty natural around each other. It was fun to hang out and to study together. This routine was repeated for several weeks. Sometimes, Junho couldn’t come. Other times, Eunsang had to leave early. Also Minhee once helped Eunsang with his school work, it was probably the first time Eunsang actually _interacted_ with one of the other guys.  
In general, it was Hyeongjun, Minhee and Dongpyo who attended regularly. Minhee acted pretty distant usually, he just studied but Dongpyo felt watched sometimes. He didn’t know what exactly it was but something told him that Minhee wasn’t quite fond of him. Maybe they could get over it sometime in future. At times like these, he was glad that Hyeongjun was still there to ease the tension.

On one of the days, Minhee didn’t come but instead, Eunsang did. They were studying quietly just like always, until evening when the sun started to set. On their way home, they stopped by at a shop to buy dinner again and walked a bit of their way home together, talking about random things. It was really relaxing.

“Hyeongjun, thank you for suggesting these study sessions,” Eunsang blurted out all of sudden and Hyeongjun didn’t know how to react. He waved his hands, “It’s nothing big!! I just thought it would be nice if we all could help each other with our studies,” he smiled sheepishly. Dongpyo decided to agree with what Eunsang said.

“Really though, it was fun to study together,” Dongpyo looked at Hyeongjun, “You’re comfortable to be around. I enjoyed it.”

After a few seconds, he realized what he said and added, “It was funny to be around Junho and Minhee as well. I’m sure we all enjoyed it.” What had gotten into him? He didn’t understand it either but it was unnatural and embarrassing as hell. Surely, Eunsang was going to mock on him for that later.

“I’m glad. I wanted to hang out with you guys too,” Hyeongjun said, looking up to the sky, most likely thinking about something.

He then parted ways with the two friends and walked off another street.

“I thought you didn’t like him,” Eunsang chuckled. _Aah, here it comes_, the other boy thought.

“Shut up,” he pushed him lightly which caused Eunsang to laugh.  
“No seriously though, the way you talked about him before that one project made me think that you would never change your mind about him.”  
“Well, I didn’t expect that either.”  
“I’m glad though.”  
“Why?”  
“Hating someone just adds up to your thoughts in your head and especially yours is full of that whole school stuff already. And it adds up to your stress.”  
“Is that so…”  
“Yep.”  
Really, Dongpyo didn’t think he would make friends with Hyeongjun. But he was just too kind, too nice…

“There’s one week left until the exams start. Let’s do our best. And try to not drown yourself in studies.”  
“Woah, what a considerate friend I have… Or are you my mom?” Dongpyo laughed, “Let’s study hard.”  
  
Dongpyo wondered why the things which Hyeongjun and Eunsang said made him think too. Actually, he couldn’t believe that he would actually join these sessions. He felt like he was well prepared for the exams now and it even felt nice to be able to help others. He just had to pass the exams with a perfect score now… A perfect score… Remembering his initial goal, his mood worsened again.

_It will be fine_, he thought and pulled out his notes again when he got home. He really needed to achieve it. It was for his own pride, for his own validation, for his own satisfaction. But what would happen if he didn’t? He could already feel the bad thoughts coming up once again. But he was Hyeongjun’s friend now. He had already told him he was comfortable around him. But the scores…

A cold shiver creeped up his back as he thought about doing bad on the exams. He really couldn’t afford to fail the upcoming ones too.  
His thoughts wouldn’t leave him alone. What if he did fail them though? What was his worth if he couldn’t even get perfect scores in school, something that he had been striving ever since he started school and became aware of scores. Something he had been working so hard for. What would his hard work get him though? Getting into a good university didn’t mean that he could ensure a good life after. What if everything just went downhill? Would perfect scores even be of good use? Surely, good scores are better than bad scores. But first and foremost, what if he couldn’t even achieve it.

Small tears started to form in Dongpyo’s eyes and he shoved his notes away to not accidentally smear the ink of his study material. He rested his head on his arms, letting his tears stream down his face. It was overwhelming. School shouldn’t be like this. And it shouldn’t affect his new friendship with Hyeongjun.

With these thoughts, he started to revise his notes and headed to bed after.

Midterm-exams started after two more productive study sessions. Unbelievably, all of them felt well-prepared.  
Shortly before the exams started, Hyeongjun turned around from one of the front seats back to Dongpyo and mouthed ‘good luck!’ which the other returned. Hyeongjun turned back to face the front with a smile and Dongpyo too, grinned. This had to go well. For the sake of staying true to himself, Hyeongjun and the friendship the both of them built up. It just had to go well.

“Turn your exam sheets around and start.”

Papers rustling, ballpoint pen clicking, the classroom turned silent and everyone started writing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops this ended up really self-indulgent because I just had my major maths exam today and I think I messed up, questioning my life choices
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think about this story and chapter in the comments!!  
I'd be happy if you left a kudo as well~~!
> 
> Also follow me on Twitter and talk to me~!! @iroapyo


	4. unsettling feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this chapter <3

The week went by in a blink with each day being the same. Going to school, writing exams, going home and revising for the next exams. All students were sleep-deprived due to studying until late night.  
Dongpyo wasn’t any different. He couldn’t even drink coffee like other kids who were trying to stay awake. Instead he just kept his eyes opened by sheer willpower.

“Time is up. Please stop writing now and give your answer sheets to the front.”  
Sighs of relief echoed through the room. Dongpyo felt all the pressure leaving his body for a moment as his eye-lids became heavier. He rested his head on the desk to close his eyes for a bit.  
“Dongpyo? I think we should leave”, Eunsang placed his hand gently on Dongpyo’s shoulder, “You should go home to sleep.”  
“Mmmh…?” Dongpyo rubbed his eyes and yawned, stood up when he realized he was still in school, “How long have I been sleeping??”  
“Not really long. Maybe 10 minutes? Wow, you’ve totally lost your sense of time.”  
“I’m tireeed”, he whined. At the corner of his eye, he noticed Hyeongjun looking at him, so he met his gaze and shot him a smile. The other boy gave him a small wave and smiled back. For some reason his heart skipped a beat. Flustered, he turned his head back to Eunsang and packed in his pens hastily. “Let’s head back.”  
_What was that_, he thought after he rushed home, back into his room. He lied down on the bed, staring at the ceiling, his heart beating faster at the smile from earlier. _Weird, weird, weird_. He had never felt like that before. Maybe it was just the exhaustion after sleepless nights and exams, maybe he was just tired. Indeed, he was too tired to keep thinking about it as he fell asleep before noticing it.

Later that evening, the small vibration from his phone next to his pillow woke him up from his peaceful sleep. He groaned as he picked it up. 7:48 PM. A message from Hyeongjun. “Hey Dongpyo, are you free right now?”  
Surprised by the message, he opened his chat to reply.

> **Hyeongjun**  
Hey Dongpyo, are you free right now?  
_7:48 PM_
> 
> **Dongpyo**  
Yeah, what’s up?  
_7:50 PM_
> 
> **Hyeongjun**  
Do you want to meet up outside?  
_7:50 PM_
> 
> **Dongpyo**  
Sure, where?  
_7:50 PM_
> 
> **Hyeongjun**  
How about the playground near your place?  
I’m already here :D  
_7:51 PM_
> 
> **Dongpyo**  
Wait for me, I’ll be there in 5 minutes.  
_7:51 PM_

Realistically speaking, it was impossible to get there in 5 minutes but Dongpyo got up right after he finished his message, changed his clothes and rushed to the door. As he put on his shoes, he said “Mom, I’m going out for a bit.”  
He was already closing the door when he heard a faint “Don’t come back too late.”  
The sun was slowly setting as he ran to the playground to meet Hyeongjun. It wasn’t really cold, even the evenings since it was summer. He was just dressed in simple clothing, a shirt with a cardigan and shorts. He slowed down before reaching the playground and took a quick glimpse on his phone. It was 7:55 PM, he seriously managed to get there in 4 minutes. And by the time he normalized his breath and went up to Hyeongjun, it’d be 7:56 PM. Perfect.

For a short moment, he questioned himself why he was even running in first place. Why did he even say he would be there in 5 minutes. Why did he even put an effort in arriving in time-.  
He saw Hyeongjun sitting on one of the swings, looking up to the sky while swinging lightly.  
Dongpyo approached him quietly from behind.  
“Hey.”  
Hyeongjun turned around and noticed Dongpyo standing there. He jumped off the swing and walked up to him.  
“Hey, you really managed to get here in 5 minutes??”  
“Yup, my house isn’t far from here.”  
“Did you run?” Hyeongjun grinned.  
“No?”  
“You’re lying.”  
“I didn’t run”, he brushed it off nervously but saw Hyeongjun putting up an eyebrow.  
“Ok, I walked fast.”  
“Sure, sure”, Hyeongjun laughed by now, “Did you sleep at home?” He probably noticed it by how messy Dongpyo’s hair and clothes were as he was really rushing out after getting the message.  
“Yeah… I didn’t get much sleep this week. What about you? Why are you even here?”  
Holding up his plastic bag full of groceries in response, he said: “Running errands. My mom asked me to. And since I was already nearby, I wondered if you wanted to meet up and hang out for a bit.”  
“Wow, that’s it? I woke up from your notification. I was sleeping so well, you disturbed it!!” Dongpyo remarked teasingly while crossing his arms. He actually didn’t mind it much, it was going to be weekend anyway.  
“I’m sorry, but you can sleep later. Actually, if I hadn’t woken you up, you wouldn’t even be able to sleep at night”, Hyeongjun responded.  
“Ah… You’re right.” Dongpyo headed to one of the swings and started to go forward and back lightly.

“How were the exams?” Hyeongjun followed and sat on the other swing too.  
“They were fine. How were they on your end?”  
“Better than I expected. Well, I’m not quite sure if I answered everything correctly but I think it should be fine.”  
“I’m glad the exams are over for now”, Dongpyo sighed deeply. It was definitely exhausting.  
“Yeah.”  
“I hope for good results for both of us.”  
“Me too.”

There was a short silence until Dongpyo’s curiosity took over.  
“Say, why didn’t you call Minhee or Junho over? They live quite nearby too, don’t they?” He asked, not looking at Hyeongjun and added quietly, “Well, not like I mind though…”  
“Um… I did ask Minhee but he didn’t reply. And Junho... Had his part-time job…”, he replied hesitantly.  
“I see”, for a short moment Dongpyo felt disappointed. Hyeongjun had asked his other friends first. It was nothing special he got called to meet up. Catching himself thinking that, he slapped that thought out of his head. Why was he disappointed? Minhee and Junho had been his friends for so much longer than he was. He had been acting weird, he thought of himself that he was weird.  
“But- I’m quite glad you were the one who replied. I’m sorry it was so sudden.”  
“No, it’s fine”, he smiled. How was he supposed to take that?  
The both of them proceeded to talk about various things. School, like always, friends, topics they couldn't think of because they were studying whenever they met up. They eventually talked about Minhee, Junho and Eunsang as well. About how Minhee was a really straight-forward and funny person who could give mean remarks sometimes and about how Hyeongjun was really fond of him despite that. About how Eunsang was really quiet and distant until you actually get closer to him. About how Junho was exactly the same to Eunsang and they wondered how the both of them hadn’t talked to each other yet. Well, obviously because they both weren’t the one to initiate a conversation. Dongpyo and Hyeongjun hung out together on the playground until it became dark and Hyeongjun decided he needed to go home. There was definitely a comfortable atmosphere between them. Dongpyo liked it that way.  
After getting home, it was 8 PM already.  
He went to bed later that night, rolled around while thinking about Hyeongjun.

“Ah. He’s right. I really can’t sleep.”

Soon after the weekend ended, the exam results were announced. Words couldn’t describe what Dongpyo felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think about this story and chapter in the comments!!  
I'd be happy if you left a kudo as well~~!  
Also let me warn you  
It's the calm before the storm
> 
> Also follow me on Twitter and talk to me~!! @iroapyo


	5. snapped string

“Good job, Hyeongjun!” Minhee cheered loudly, shaking the short boy, “You did it!”  
Mumbles filled the classroom once again and Dongpyo sensed a déjà-vu. Staring at the numbers, they slowly started moving around, fading away, the 9 and the 9 and the 9. He spaced out and felt his vision blur until someone called for him. Another déjà-vu. But it wasn’t Eunsang who stood at his table this time. Instead, the amazing top student was there. He quickly slid away his exams

“How were your results?” Hyeongjun asked vividly.  
Dongpyo really didn’t want the other boy to see his results nor talk about them. And what he wanted to avoid the most was to lash out his frustration on him. Not now, when they finally got along, when they finally got closer. However, the old, well-known feelings boiled up, faster and faster the longer he looked at Hyeongjun who seemed like he didn’t have any troubles and was so happy about his grades.  
“Hey, I heard you got full scores! Congrats!” Dongpyo said.  
Ouch. He couldn’t be more passive, could he? But that was the best thing he could do as of now, avoiding and changing the topic. It was for their own good.  
“Thank you! It’s all thanks to the study sessions we had together!!”  
_Glad to hear it was helpful for you. It wasn’t for me though._

“Glad to hear it was helpful for you! It helped me too!”  
Hyeongjun smiled while Dongpyo’s heart stung at that. He took a deep breath to calm himself down.  
“Dongpyo, what scores did you get?” The other boy asked again. Damn, so persistent.  
“It’s not important,” he replied, “The usual. Oh, Eunsang! Wait, sorry Hyeongjun, I gotta go.” With that, Dongpyo tried to escape from the situation. He felt drained and probably couldn’t keep up his facade any longer, so he went up to his friend and left Hyeongjun behind.

The latter stood there, dumbfounded, until Minhee tapped on his shoulders.  
“Hey, what's wrong?”  
“I don’t know…. Dongpyo was weird just now,” the shorter boy shook his head.  
“Just now? He’s always weird,” Minhee laughed in a bitter tone but was met with a light smack on his arm.  
“Don’t say that. I’m a bit worried.”  
“Leave him alone. The way he treated you here probably means he wants to be alone,” Minhee concluded.  
Hyeongjun considered that, but he couldn’t just leave it. It was worrying, he had never seen Dongpyo like that.  
Noticing that his friend was still bothered by it, Minhee added, “He doesn't deserve your attention, Hyeongjun. You’re too kind. He doesn’t deserve it.”  
“Minhee!” his tone became whiny. He had noticed that uncomfortable atmosphere between his two friends but he never understood why. He frowned thinking about it.  
“Sorry,” Minhee raised both his hands in defence, indicating defeat.  
They both headed back to their seats but Hyeongjun kept glancing at Dongpyo, wondering what happened.

Once again, school ended. Hyeongjun stayed seated though to catch Dongpyo on his way home. But he was barely moving, not really packing his stuff. He was just staring at his blank sheets, fiddling his pen.  
“Are you coming?” Junho asked, which startled the worried boy. His eyes swayed from Dongpyo to Junho and back to Dongpyo again.  
“Uh… You can leave first,” Hyeongjun answered. Junho shrugged his shoulders before he went back to Minhee and dragged him along. Meanwhile, Hyeongjun started to pack in his things slowly. He hoped for Dongpyo to get up soon because it would be too obvious he was waiting. However, it wasn’t happening. Everyone from the class gradually went out and they were left alone in the classroom. He decided to approach him now, it was no use to wait any longer.  
“Hey, Dongpyo!” Hyeongjun waved and gave the brightest smile he could, “Are you not heading back?”  
“Oh, I will now. What about you?” He started to pack his stuff hastily.

“I was waiting for you.”  
“What?”  
“Dongpyo, are you really fine? You seemed a bit off today,” Hyeongjun was surprised at himself. He wasn’t that straightforward usually. But he somehow managed to bring up his courage if it was about Dongpyo. Just like the time when they first met up at the library to work on their research and told him that he wants to be friends with the other boy.

“I’m fine, really,” Dongpyo stood up then, avoiding Hyeongjun’s eyes.

“Why does it feel like you’re… distant towards me?”

“I’m not,” Dongpyo now started to sound irritated.

“How were your grades?”  
“They were fine. Nothing to worry about.”  
“You aren’t satisfied with them, are you?”  
“I said they were fine.” _Hyeongjun didn’t know anything… Not a damn thing…_ Not how Dongpyo felt and how he literally felt so stupid. As if he was looked down on. Why did Hyeongjun even want to know.  
“You know, you can talk to me right. If you need any help, I will try my best… But if you don’t tell me what’s up, I won’t know.”

Dongpyo remained silent, staring at his table. He felt his head heating up. Hyeongjun tried to find the right words to say, but all he could get out was, “You know, even if you aren’t fine with your grades now, you can still improve!” Hyeongjun said, “There’s still a next ti-“

“Shut up! What do **_you_** even know!?” Oh no. Dongpyo had desperately tried to keep his anger, his frustrations, his regrets and sadness, all of his feelings inside a box, taking care of it so that it wouldn’t break open. But now it did. Which also meant he couldn’t stop it from overflowing anymore.

“Leave me alone!”, Dongpyo snapped at Hyeongjun.

“Just leave me the hell alone! I don’t wanna see you! I don’t wanna hear you! My blood boils when you’re near me. Don’t you even dare to worry about me! I don’t need any pity! All of this was just a whole distraction to me!”  
“Dongpyo…”, Hyeongjun attempted to calm him down, not sure about how he should react as this was the first time he had ever seen Dongpyo bursting out. He didn't know this side of him. But got interrupted right away.  
“Don’t even get started!”, Dongpyo jumped up and stomped to the other boy furiously. He stopped right in front of him, their faces being just an inch apart. Hyeongjun flinched back, smacking his head on the wall behind him. Even though Dongpyo might seem like someone who wouldn’t hurt a fly due to his height and face, he was really intimidating right now, glaring at him. If only looks could kill. Hyeongjun stared into Dongpyo’s burning eyes.

“I know you just want to see me at my lowest. You don’t need to act so innocent, you know. Forget it. I never wanted to be your friend. I don’t see you as a friend. And I never liked you in any way. I. Don’t. Need. You”, he hissed at him before dashing out of the room and slamming the door. Soon afterwards, Hyeongjun slid down the wall. He couldn’t quite process what just happened.

Dongpyo walked down the corridor but was soon met with Eunsang’s gazes. He looked like he was waiting. Damn it, Eunsang might have heard everything.  
“Oh, hey Eunsang, wanna head home together?” Dongpyo asked, trying to cover up what just happened.  
“You shouldn’t have snapped at him like that.” Shit, he really heard everything.  
“I know!”, Dongpyo turned cold immediately and passed Eunsang, it was no use to act anymore. “Dongpyo, wait a moment, calm down”, he followed him.  
“Yeah, sure!” Dongpyo responded angrily, holding back his tears. “Dongpyo!”, he yelled one last time before grabbing his wrist and pulled him into a hug. The shorter boy started crying almost instantly, guilt overcoming his mind. “I’m sorry”, he whined. Letting all his frustrations out, it felt like he relieved his mind from everything he had bottled up, leaving his mind in a void. The realization of what he had done and said to Hyeongjun hit him hard.

“I’m not angry at you and it’s not me who you should apologize to. But first, calm down a bit, it’s not healthy to be angry like this... ”, Eunsang whispered calmly while stroking the back of the other boy's head. Dongpyo felt horrible. Not only did he bad on his exams, he even yelled at Hyeongjun for something that wasn’t his fault and he said things that weren’t true. He said it in the spur of the moment, it just slipped out of him. But he couldn’t take back his words anymore, he knew it.  
Eunsang and Dongpyo walked home together, silently as Eunsang didn’t quite know how to help and surely, if he asked, Dongpyo might have cried again.

Meanwhile, Hyeongjun stared down the walls, absent-minded. He thought a lot about what the other boy threw at his head.

He didn’t want to be friends? He was constantly angry when he was with him? Was the time they spent together a lie then?  
Completely confused, he got up and made his way back too.  
He knew now, he was hated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah- he snapped.
> 
> I'd be happy if you left a kudo as well~~!
> 
> Also follow me on Twitter and talk to me~!! @iroapyo


	6. conflicted and confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long, I hope you have fun reading!!

Days had passed since Dongpyo and Hyeongjun fought. Dongpyo actually went up to Hyeongjun and apologized for what he had said the other day. He didn’t mean what he said. He was just so frustrated. He talked without thinking. But didn’t that also mean, those feelings were somewhere in the back of his thoughts? Hyeongjun just accepted the apology, not having the heart for long-stretched fights. Even so, the relationship remained strained. They shot each other a quick smile when they walked past. In lunch break, they barely talked to each other. They didn’t walk home together anymore, they didn’t glance at each other during class, they didn't… It hurt Hyeongjun a lot. His mood was constantly down and who else than Minhee would’ve noticed it.

Minhee turned around his chair to face Hyeongjun.  
“Hey shortie, how are you,” he asked teasingly.  
“I’m fine,” Hyeongjun replied confused.  
“Come on, you know I wouldn’t have asked you if you were fine. Tell me what’s wrong.”  
“Nothing is wrong though,” he started to distract himself with his notes.  
“Is it about Dongpyo?” Minhee just knew exactly what he was saying. He knew he hit the bullseye.  
Hyeongjun didn’t reply.  
“Hey, what happened. Just tell me Hyeongjun.”  
He still avoided Minhee’s eyes.  
“I don’t like seeing my best friend like this.”  
“Nothing happened.”  
“Do you think I would believe you?”  
Hyeongjun groaned. Why was Minhee so persistent.  
“I fought with Dongpyo.”  
“So what?”  
Hyeongjun turned around to face Minhee in shock.  
“Those aren’t news to us, you know. Why did you fight?”  
“Minhee- I don’t really want to talk about it,” Hyeongjun whined, looking at his desk.  
Seeing how hesitant Hyeongjun is, the other boy rolled his eyes and sighed.  
“Look, Hyeongjun, I really hate seeing you like this and even more, I hate that Dongpyo is the reason for it. But I can’t talk to you when you’re in this stubborn state. I really didn’t want to do what I’m gonna do but I guess I have to. See you later,” Minhee said and left the table.  
Hyeongjun felt even more miserable than before. Not only had he fought with Dongpyo but also annoyed the hell out of Minhee now. A part of him knew sulking won’t do anything but at the same time he just couldn’t help it.

In the corner of his eye, he noticed Junho slowly approaching him who was stopped by Minhee.  
“Come on Junho, let’s leave him alone to think.”  
_Wow, so they just decided to leave him all by himself now_, Hyeongjun thought. Well, it was his fault in the end. Walking down the hallway, he eventually spotted Dongpyo with Eunsang a bit further down the hall. They were fooling around like they always were. Dongpyo laughed like always. It probably didn’t even bother him. Right. Since their friendship… It was probably nothing to him anyway. That’s why… Hyeongjun should act like Dongpyo. Why should it mess up his mind when Dongpyo didn’t seem to care at all, right?  
Hyeongjun stopped, took a step backwards again while focusing on them.  
“Goodbye,” he muttered and turned around, heading back to the room.

Easier said than done. Hyeongjun could somewhat pull himself together but still missed Dongpyo’s presence. Minhee, Junho and him went back to the usual days after he declared he would be fine now. Both of his friends didn’t quite believe him but of course accepted it. They actually still spent lunch time together and surprisingly, the tables have turned around. Dongpyo and Hyeongjun were the one who were forcefully brought into conversations while Minhee lead everything.  
But the both of them were still trying hard to avoid each other. It was just that uncomfortable and awkward silence between them. Actually, it was somewhat tense and everyone around them noticed.  
Unexpectedly, Hyeongjun witnessed Minhee approaching Eunsang quite a lot these days which was weird because they never hung out before, especially since Eunsang seemed to be somewhat distant.

Dongpyo was actually quite out of it too, it’s just that he didn’t make it as obvious as Hyeongjun. Or rather, he wouldn’t show it when he was with him. But his energy was drained and he didn’t feel like doing anything. At home, he would think about how to gain Hyeongjun’s trust again but… Actually, why would he want to. In first place, he really didn’t want to talk to Hyeongjun, right? But over the time, they got closer and closer to the point that Dongpyo really wanted to call him a close friend… It was almost embarrassing thinking about what he had said about the other boy before he even got to know him. And then his stupid pride had to destroy everything. Why was he so difficult. He really wanted to go back to what they were before… He had thought about texting Hyeongjun a few times but every message just seemed so worthless and useless. Nothing could fix what he said. ‘I don’t see you as a friend.’ Dongpyo smacked his head with his pillow. It was so stupid. And once again, he closed the chat box and put away his phone.  
On second thought, he picked up his phone again to text Eunsang, asking if he wanna meet up right now. He kinda felt like going outside. Just a few minutes later, his phone buzzed with a message from Eunsang, saying that he was outside with Minhee and Junho. He frowned at that. It felt a bit weird to see Eunsang with other people but it was expected to come now after they all got closer during the exams preparations. He put his phone away and decided to take a nap instead. It was just exhausting and frustrating to think about something he couldn’t fix right away.

A few days later, when arriving in school right in front of the classroom, Minhee called out to him.  
“Hey, do you have a minute?” He had an intimidating posture, his arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed. Dongpyo walked up to him hesitantly. “Uhh, sure. What’s up?”  
“I think you can guess what’s up.”  
Dongpyo tilted his head to the side in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Wrong reply. Trying to escape the confrontation caused Minhee to boil up. He didn’t want to deal with it but someone had to do it. For the sake of his friend. Minhee grabbed the shorter boy by his collar aggressively. “Stop messing with Hyeongjun like this. Get things straight,” he hissed with an menacing voice. Dongpyo opened his mouth but he wasn’t quite sure what he was going to say. “I don’t want this either. But… you wouldn’t understand,” he mumbled, avoiding looking into Minhee’s face. What would he even know. Telling someone what to do was easy.

Both of them didn’t notice the presence of the boy in topic. Hyeongjun sensed the dangerous the situation and approached them slowly. Noticing that Minhee grabbed Dongpyo’s collar, he started to panic.  
“Guys…?” His voice was too quiet, too fragile.  
“What did you say??” Minhee’s voice rose, causing Hyeongjun to flinch but it wasn’t directed at him. They were still in their own world.  
Dongpyo now turned his face back to Minhee in anger. “I said I don’t want this bullshit either!! What would you even know though!? You just have the view of an outsider. Seems easy to fix right?? Why don’t you tell me what I should do then!”

“Umm, guys…” Hyeongjun felt uncomfortable as more and more gazes were focused on them.  
“I can’t, that’s why I’m telling you-“  
Dongpyo grabbed Minhee’s hand that was holding him. “Then you can’t just walk up to me like that and tell me to do something about this. Sure! Do something. But what??” His voice got louder with each word and he was trying to get out of Minhee’s grip.

“Hey! Stop it now,” Junho stepped in, “Unless you want to make more of a fuss than you’re already making.” That’s when they finally realized they were in the middle of the hallway, several students that passed by looked at them, classmates’ heads popped out of the doorframe to their classroom, Eunsang attempting to stop them and Hyeongjun standing right in front of them with teary eyes.

Minhee released Dongpyo upon seeing his friend, sighed and scratched the back of his head. Dongpyo looked at Hyeongjun with eyes of guilt.  
Before he could say anything, the distant voice of a teacher echoed. “What’s going on here?!”

Without thinking twice, Dongpyo grabbed for Hyeongjun’s hand.  
“Come with me for a bit,” the both of them ran off through the crowd.  
“Hey, you’re gonna leave me here like tha- For god’s sake, whatever,” Minhee groaned, ruffling his hair.  
“I told you not to make such a scene…” Eunsang remarked then.

Meanwhile, Dongpyo slowed down his running after the hallway seemed less crowded and checked if he could read Hyeongjun’s face right now. He seemed worried… And sad.  
Dongpyo let go of the other’s hand as he noticed he was still holding it.  
When they finally found a place where no one was, they stopped.  
Hyeongjun was looking down and it hurt Dongpyo to think that the other boy didn’t even want to look at him. But Minhee was right in one thing. He had to set things straight. Hyeongjun seemed to be waiting for Dongpyo to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me a while as my energy was so drained from school... It might take a while until the next update too but I hope you still enjoy it;;  
Thank you so much for reading up until here and I'd be happy if you left a kudo and comment <3  
Also talk to me on Twitter (@iroapyo) !!


End file.
